is it irresponsible to spend so much money on your wedding day?
something we all inevitably think about at one point
It’s one of the more quietly loud thoughts that almost every couple, nowadays, faces post-engagement - should I really spend the equivalent of a mortgage deposit on a singular day of my life?
Stereotypically, some amongst us have grown up “dreaming” about this beautiful day. Depending on where you’ve grown up, you’ve likely first-hand experienced it or consumed enough WeddingTok content which makes you think about “the most special day of your life” with an abundant amount of emotion, and very little logic. Some will start visualising the entire wedding in their minds after the first date - the flowers, the dress, the backdrop - and others will have grown up watching Bride Wars and wondering what their ‘Plaza Hotel’ will be.
If you’re reading this, you’ve possibly experienced one of the most emotionally charged moments already - the proposal - and you’re perhaps at that point a few days, weeks or months after where…the logical mind kicks in.
It’s in recent years, especially post Influencer era, that we’re seeing weddings be so publicly scrutinised in real time - which has led to more and more logical, financial, and practical thoughts creeping in much sooner.
The slight exception to this way of thinking comes with certain cultures, namely Asian or African, which have historically put an extortionately large emphasis on the importance of marriage growing up; so much so, that parents will start a wedding fund alongside (or preceding) a university fund, and sometimes even take out loans for the big day.
There are so many thoughts & feelings around this - all of which, are extremely personal - as with everything in weddings. So let’s try and unpack them.
the moral judgement of spending money
As much as it’s simple to narrow it down to weddings being “just a day”, this isn’t actually the whole truth. Weddings represent symbolic spending - spending which supposedly articulates how you feel about love, your families, and your faith.
When you open up Instagram to see someone buying a 3-bedroom flat, someone surprising their boyfriend with a trip to Dubai, or someone buying their dream car - you’ll often hit like and move on with your life. Contrary to when you open up Instagram to see a proposal, you analyse it. First, we scroll through the carousel and zoom into the ring a couple 10x times; then, we’ll like it and comment ‘Congratulations!’; and then, we might even screenshot it or share it in our groupchats to make sure the mutuals have seen it. This is just the beginning.
If we’re friends with them, we’ll ask about how planning is going everytime we see them. If we’re not, we care even more, and we’ll further analyse all the little details as soon as we see any wedding content pop up on stories or the grid.
Everyone is emotionally invested in your wedding day, hence why you’re inadvertently, unknowingly and unintentionally drawn to spend with emotion.
That’s where the discomfort kicks in.
As an example, one of the largest and most controversial topics in recent years has been spending money on real versus lab grown diamonds. Comments, opinions and (sometimes) criticism on “how much your partner truly loves you” being based on the size, carats, and origin of a piece of jewellery which is only going to sit on your finger for the rest of your life.
So unfortunately, the feelings of irresponsibility and discomfort aren’t solely around the tangible value of the money, it’s about what that represents.
We rarely ask if other big life expenses, like cars, home renovations, luxury holidays or private school education; are “responsible”. We look at those as sensible and aspirational purchases - the same definitely does not apply to weddings.
weddings have become “communal property”
Considering you’re the only one spending your hard earned money on it, everyone will have a say. Not only do people feel the need to interrogate, they sometimes also outright question your spending; and, feel it’s their responsibility to tell you where that money would be better spent instead.
What’s rarely acknowledged in these conversations, is that everything is relative.
In July 2024, the heir of Reliance Industries Limited, Anant Ambani wed his high school sweetheart, Radhika Merchant, in a ceremony where it’s believed that they spent $600m-$1bn1 on their pre-wedding events, celebrity performances, decor, logistics etc. The net worth of the Ambani family is c.$120bn+2, meaning they reportedly spent around 0.5% of their entire wealth on the wedding.
Compared to that, if we were to take the average cost of a US wedding, which is $30k-$35k3, according to The Knot; and the median net worth of a US family of $192,7004; the average person is likely to spend almost a fifth of their typical households net worth on their wedding - arguably spending a much larger proportion of what they have.
Neither are right or wrong - they’re simply spending within the means and rationale they feel comfortable with.
And yet, both weddings tend to be judged using the same language: irresponsible, excessive, unnecessary.
We’re only human, we all tend to comment; but it’s only when we’re in the planning hot seat that we’re overtly conscious and sensitive to any ounce of criticism.
All of this is what ultimately leads to the internal conflict.
“I want this” vs. “should I want this?”
I always say that planning a wedding isn’t actually that difficult. If we were to dumb it down, you have an idea, you browse around, pay for it - and it’s done (we all know it’s not quite that simple). In between, there’s the family opinions, the aspirational desire for a lavish celebration versus the responsibility of managing your finances correctly that year, and the continuous Goldilocks syndrome around whether you’re doing too little, too much, or just the right amount.
Whilst we’ve referenced the “average cost of a US wedding” above - there really isn’t an average. The % of money spent versus your net worth literally has the highest range when it comes to weddings. It will change entirely depending on your job, savings, security, culture, support, background, and so much more.
Unlike a house purchase, there’s no ‘framework’ which exists similar to that of: “you should have enough saved for a 10% minimum deposit and you can usually borrow 4.5x your annual salary”.
The questions to ask yourself at the start of wedding planning and continuously throughout is “how much do I care?”. That will impact your propensity to spend tenfold, and there truly is never a right or wrong answer; but these check-ins will help you feel more comfortable and seek less “approval” from others.
It helps to ask / sense-check:
Is this an experience solely for us or one that we’re carving out for ourselves, our family, and our friends?
Is this a calculated financial decision that we feel we can afford to make?
Do we agree that wedding planning purchases could be more expensive due to the “emotional tax” behind the purchasing decisions?
The goal is to understand and stand behind the decision, with no regrets.
Ultimately, there shouldn’t be remorse, shame, or guilt attached to spending - or not spending - a certain amount on your wedding day. The discomfort doesn’t come from the decision itself, but from the feeling that it needs to be justified, explained, or approved by others.
Weddings sit at a strange intersection of money, identity, family, and visibility. That’s why responsibility feels so loaded here, and why it’s so often confused with public opinion. But responsibility isn’t a fixed number, and it certainly isn’t universal. It’s contextual, personal, and shaped by the life you’re building - not the commentary around it.
If there’s one thing worth holding onto, it’s this: understanding your decision and standing behind it matters far more than whether it makes sense to anyone else.
People: From Million Dollar Performances to Stunning Jewels - How Much Did Billionaire Heir Anant Ambani’s Wedding Cost?
NerdWallet: Average and Media Net Worth by Age: How Do You Compare?